My dad’s been dead three years ago today. I recall clearly thinking as I knew he was dying, that I could be there with him for as long as it took, but I could not ask him to try to hang on.
The thought that kept repeating in my heart was “we live our own Life, we die our own Death.” Over and over, those words echoed. I hear them still.
Part of me is still in that hospital room where the most intense experience of Life took place. It’s imprinted in my memory, the way the room was arranged, the silenced tv, the monitors, his profile that I knew so well, the knowing that his Spirit was separating from his body with each exhalation….and everything in his Life and our family’s was soon going to change in ways I couldn’t forsee.
It’s a sacred thing to see a beloved, anyone really, to the last breath, the last heartbeat. There is nothing more intimate. Nothing more holy.
It’s enough to hope for the paradox that someone dear will stay with me and at the same time set me free in peace….
Fellow Travellers, this is my experience: LIFE IS.
There’s no blank to fill in after the “IS.” That’s it. Period. It is.
My Life’s less about being in the moment than it is being the moment.
A fair percentage of my moments are messy, and often enough, they’re glorious. And most often, they are quietly glorious in their messiness. 😉
And that’s not a bad thing. As itchy-scratchy as it may be, to be honest with myself, I’ve never had any kind of emotional growth spurt when Life was all pristene and serene.
I’m a bit amazed (but not totally) to find myself nesting in barbed wire.
He: Where you headed?
She: Just out for a walk…
He: Oh, well, you’ll need some music. Where’s your iPod? It’ll make the time pass faster! And it’ll give you a beat to walk to!
She: No. I am not looking to rush through my Life, so no need to try to rush up time. As if I could….and the beat of my heart is all the beat I want.
He: But the music…?
She: The birds are music enough.
Long long long pause.
He: (putting the iPod down) Would you mind if I came along?